Thursday, January 2, 2014

To the year and many years to come

I love even numbered years. It’s a thing.

I can’t tell if it is because of my obsessiveness for things being even and neat or the fact that 2008 and 2012 turned out to be some pretty amazing years for personal accomplishment. However, 2013 has shown me up.

Every New Year, I have this ever-growing fear of what is to come, which slowly evaporates into an overwhelming feeling of positivity for the up-and-coming year. 2013 was a year to never forget. My mom turned 60 years old, I moved into my first apartment in Philadelphia, I celebrated one year with the Philadelphia Gay News and I found love again. Why would I want to leave that all behind?

Well, simple — to see my mom turn 61, to continue where I live or move some place different, to celebrate two strong years at the PGN and to celebrate one-year with my love.

I’ve learned a lot in 2013. I’ve gone through heart break, disappointments and some pretty tough times but if there is one thing that got me through this year, it was my strong will to always find the positive. Here are some of the things I learned:

-I learned to never settle for less.
-I learned that although your heart may ache for someone, if their heart doesn’t ache back, it is not worth it.
-I learned that I can be loved in the way I have always dreamed of.
-I learned to always be true with people, no matter what. Tell them your intentions and if they still don’t listen, not your problem.
-People earn second chances — they are not given.
-It is okay to be an introvert. It is fine to spend an entire weekend by yourself.
-But people may want to hang out with you, so that is why you should open your heart to people.
-Always listen to your friends—well mostly. If it weren’t for Laura or Janene, I probably wouldn’t have found my love.
-I learned that she was not the end all, be all. There was much better out there and I got it and I plan on putting a ring on it, ayyyy (not for a little while.)
-I learned that I am more passionate about trans and gender non-conforming issues, especially when they affect good friends of mine.
-I learned that someone will still love me even if I am a size 14 and still have pockets of flesh left on me.
-I’ve learned to not focus on mortality as much as I used to. It is hard when you are so obsessively scared on not being here anymore, but life is a gift worth enjoying it and obsessing over something that is not in your control will not make anything better. 
-I’ve learned that you don’t need to start over in the New Year. Every day is an opportunity to better yourself. 

So it has been real 2013 and it has been good and although I might still be a little apprehensive about 2014, there is no other direction but forward for me. To health and happiness!

Some of the roommates

My mom and I on her 60th birthday in Atlantic City, N.J.

The Pittsburgh skyline

My first Pride with PGN and I dominated the front page
Some of my best friends and I in Pittsburgh for a Halloween party

My love and I during our first Christmas

Starting the New Year with my love and my best friend

To many more cute, awkward and silly selfies.

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